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tilt your head to the side

and keep asking why

don't fuck with me, I'll take you down
External Services:
  • learned_soul@livejournal.com
Hey, my name's Amanda. I'm nineteen, live in Michigan as a perpetually poor student and have delusions of grandeur. Well, maybe not grandeur, exactly, but a girl can dream. My journal is meant as a chronicle of my life and my attempts to figure out what the hell is going on.

And some favorite quotes:

I find it best to be just religious enough to to take God seriously, and also, to be just enough an atheist to laugh at it all. - Anonymous

"Unlike other religious people who drive her nuts, when Helen mentions God, Alma just does an instantaneous translation in her head – God as a metaphor for the stunning, baffling, painful, beautiful spirit of the universe – bypassing the whole thorny question of whether God even exists, and instead dealing directly with the little quandaries that really are the places people get stuck in for life.” - Saving the World, Julia Alvarez

"Joe finds it extremely amusing that this makes me believe in truth, this memory I have for words. But I do. I do believe in a universal right to truth. And, when I'm out in the world, I know that I am a passenger, not a customer; a patient, not a client; a man, not a consumer. And I don't want to be informed, I want to be educated, and I don't want to be enabled, I want to be helped, and I don't want something new, I want something better, and I don't want to be offered choices, I want to be free. I have spent a great deal of my life learning to love what words mean. Especially the bad ones, the ones that need careful watching. Assassination, removal, termination, problem-solving, taking out, euthanasia, cleansing, special handling, natural wastage, merciful release, killing, murder--I do understand that these are all very much the same thing. Offer me a euphemism, a circumlocution, a truth economy, a fucking lie, and I will be moved to pulp your brain, to lop off your hands, to draw out your fucking tongue with pincers and roast it before your eyes--because you are not using what you've been given properly." He glowered at his own hands. "So. That's the way I am, at heart. Joe is a man who has spiritual aims, mine are a matter of principle, or just of anger. I like to recall, now and then, that language belongs to me, to the individual, to each and every individual--that anyone who wants to own it is trying to own me." - from Everything You Need by A.L. Kennedy

"I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ." -Anais Nin

I don't love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
Or arrow of carnations that propagate fire
I love you as love loves certain dark things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that rose
from the earth lives in my body in darkness.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
I love you directly without problems or pride
I love you like this because I don't know any other way to love

except in this form in which I am not nor are you
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

- pablo neruda, sonnet xvii

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Choose your words, for they become actions. Understand your actions, for they become habits. Study your habits, for they will become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny." - Anonymous

I'd rather be a cynic then an optimist, since cynics are rarely disappointed. - Anonymous

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. – Martian Luther

Factor low score high score
Gregariousness 30% quiet, reclusive engaging, socially bold
Sociability 66% withdrawn, hidden warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness 50% timid, gunshy controlling, aggressive
Poise 34% uneasy around others socially comfortable
Leadership 54% stays in background prefers to lead
Provocativeness 74% modest, plays it safe bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure 70% private, contained very open and revealing
Talkativeness 66% quiet, stealthy, invisible motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment 46% loves solitude prefers to be with others
Understanding 78% insensitive, schizoid respectful, sympathetic
Warmth 86% disinterested in others supportive, helpful
Morality 66% break/ignore the rules play by the rules
Pleasantness 66% aloof or disagreeable gets along with others
Empathy 70% out of tune w/ others in tune with others
Cooperation 46% competitive, warlike agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy 86% socially inconsiderate socially conscious
Tenderness 62% cold hearted, selfish warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance 82% self pleasing, me first people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness 50% reckless, unscheduled careful, planner
Efficiency 42% unreliable, lazy finisher, follows through
Dutifulness 38% leisurely, derelict strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness 34% inattentive, undisciplined prepared, focused
Organization 70% relaxed, oblivious detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness 34% impulsive, spendthrift restrained, cautious
Rationality 62% irrational, random direct, logical
Perfectionism 50% careless, error prone detail obsessed
Planning 26% disorganized, random scheduled, clean
Stability 22% easily frustrated calm, cool, unphased
Happiness 26% unhappy, dissatisfied self content, positive
Calmness 42% touchy, volatile even tempered, tolerant
Moderation 38% needs instant gratification easily delays gratification
Toughness 42% hypersensitive, moody thick skinned
Impulse Control 34% lacks self control maintains composure
Imperturbability 30% highly emotional emotionally contained
Cool-headedness 42% demanding, controlling accommodating
Tranquility 38% emotionally volatile emotionally neutral
Intellect 90% instinctive, non-analytical intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity 78% lacks new ideas innovative, novel
Reflection 86% unreflective, coarse art and beauty lover
Competence 70% slow to understand/think intellectual, brainy
Quickness 82% intellectually dependent intellectually independent
Introspection 86% not self reflective self searching
Creativity 78% dull headed synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination 78% practical, realistic dreamer, unrealistic
Depth 86% lacks curiosity mental explorer

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